@nascarcasm: Vintage tweets from drivers, Vol. 3
RELATED: Vintage tweets from drivers, Vol. 1 " Vol. 2 RELATED: Read more Inside Groove VINTAGE TWEETS, VOLUME THREE! So many NASCAR drivers have mastered the fine art of social media. But it didn't happen overnight, as is evidenced by some of their very early, and often awesome, initial tweets. What follows are actual posts from actual drivers, as they first immersed themselves into the Twitters. Jamie McMurray AH, swell deal. Enjoy the movie. Going to see the move "Its Complicated" with Christy tonite.... — Jamie McMurray (@jamiemcmurray) January 15, 2010 OK, to save space, we didn't include the tweets informing us that they were almost to the theater to see "It's Complicated," they had found a parking spot at the movie theater that was showing "It's Complicated," and the follow-up reminder that they were going to see "It's Complicated" in case we missed the first two notifications. On the way to see the movie "Its Complicated" w Christy — Jamie McMurray (@jamiemcmurray) January 15, 2010 Had we just withheld this information, we would have been spared the 5,000 pictures of his Rolex and his ghoulish life-size bobblehead. I hate to admit this but I am not sure how to send pics yet? When I figure it out I will send some. — Jamie McMurray (@jamiemcmurray) January 18, 2010 Oooooo, someone wins the Daytona 500 in 2010 and suddenly the dude from U2 is his PERSONAL CHAUFFER TO MARTINSVILLE. Fame corrupts. Waiting on Bono to come pick me up so we can drive to Martinsville tonite — Jamie McMurray (@jamiemcmurray) March 25, 2010 It was spreading false information, such as tweeting that Jamie was on his way to see "Sex And The City 2" instead of "It's Complicated." Stuff like that's gotta be shut down. Do you think you guys could help me get the fake jamie_mcmurray twiiter removed? — Jamie McMurray (@jamiemcmurray) February 2, 2010 Danica Patrick She's going two months between yoga sessions. I bet she loses interest in yoga entirely, just watch. I went to yoga for the first time in 2 months....I think I might be sore tomorrow! — Danica Patrick (@DanicaPatrick) June 16, 2009 OH MAN, needs two cups of coffee to muster the energy to work out. I bet she gives up working out entirely, just watch. I am on my second cup of coffee and as soon as I muster the energy going to workout. I hope everyone has a wonderful day! — Danica Patrick (@DanicaPatrick) September 3, 2009 Probably just an innocent little text conversation that doesn't really lead to much. Maybe he just wants to borrow some of her clothes. The rumors are flying about nascar!....I did talk to Tony and he is a great guy. We are looking at nascar as I have always said. — Danica Patrick (@DanicaPatrick) September 6, 2009 Now's probably a bad time to point out "dosent." I may have mentioned that spelling is not one of my strengths, and with spell check, its getting worse and obviously dosent save me either. — Danica Patrick (@DanicaPatrick) September 22, 2011 OK so maybe she picked yoga back up but doubt it becomes a regular thing. I woke up wanting to do get back to a yoga more often. Its so helpful for my head!......and bod. — Danica Patrick (@DanicaPatrick) September 4, 2009 Greg Biffle Da Biff got dat phone hook-up mang. Hooked up on the phone — Greg Biffle (@gbiffle) January 27, 2010 Market trends suggest dumping all your money into Blockbuster. Having coffee and watching cnbc trying get get the next hot stock pick. Ready to practice!! — Greg Biffle (@gbiffle) February 19, 2010 What a stout driver lineup for Roush Fenway Racing -- one that will remain intact and solid like mahogany for years to come. Cooking lunch if anyone @NASCARonSPEED is hungry?? pic.twitter.com/0MEmSsLB — Greg Biffle (@gbiffle) April 28, 2012 OH MAN, cell phone pics from the inside of race cars! This should become a thing. Pic from where I'm sittin pic.twitter.com/kz7G9qyN — Greg Biffle (@gbiffle) February 18, 2012 Good. Tell that guy the belts may need a little work. My guys are working on the sand car pic.twitter.com/yksLQqon — Greg Biffle (@gbiffle) April 23, 2012 Clint Bowyer Clint Bowyer 's maiden tweet could not possibly have been more Clint Bowyer . Welcome to my Twitter. As soon as someone shows me how to use this damn thing I'll introduce you to my Library of worthless information. Ha! — Clint Bowyer (@ClintBowyer) March 9, 2012 Whoever explained Twitter to Clint left out that "Your wife can read everything you post" part … Does anybody else's wife g/f watch these stupid reality shows? Shoot me now! — Clint Bowyer (@ClintBowyer) March 13, 2012 … AND, well, she can now reciprocate with a tweet about this. Best show on TV= "dumbest stuff on wheels" God it's funny when a bad idea gets worse!!! — Clint Bowyer (@ClintBowyer) March 22, 2012 Clint's first entry into the Folksy Exclamation Hall Of Fame. The other entries in the Hall Of Fame all belong to Clint also. Holy shit balls of fire!!! Man that was a game. Got some homework to do and go at these boys east of the river. Rock Chalk...KU — Clint Bowyer (@ClintBowyer) March 19, 2012 If you've ever wanted to experience the first-person perspective of a national treasure, here you are. There's only one person I would dare to pick up at the airport off his Jet driving this... Any guesses who that's be? pic.twitter.com/W0upYCa6 — Clint Bowyer (@ClintBowyer) May 19, 2012 Ryan Blaney I have two questions about this tweet and they're both "What?" Alright not super exited anymore cause Emma saidyhats girly, so in uber duber exited — Ryan Blaney (@Blaney) May 26, 2011 You got 137 more characters if you want, bro. Out — Ryan Blaney (@Blaney) September 12, 2011 Well now that you're in Cup, go back five years later. Won't come off as creepy at all. It's engagement season. I would marry the waitress I just had at hooters... — Ryan Blaney (@Blaney) September 29, 2011 I think Dale Jr. tweeted something similar once and got 3,000 likes. There's a reason your phone has a camera, Ryan Blaney . Just saw a weiner dog take a dump in the airport #letitgo — Ryan Blaney (@Blaney) October 7, 2011 And here you're complaining about the wiener dog. Hit some turbulence in the plane while I was taking a wee wee #splash &go #wreckinturn3 — Ryan Blaney (@Blaney) October 10, 2011
JR Motorsports hires new ruff and tumble security guard
RELATED: Read more Inside Groove Following its expansion from two to four full-time teams to compete for the 2017 XFINITY Series championship, JR Motorsports deemed it necessary to increase its security presence on site at its Mooresville, North Carolina shop, as well. Better be prepared to greet this guy when you visit today. #Gus #Watchdog pic.twitter.com/QIovzzM3vQ — Kelley Earnhardt (@EarnhardtKelley) January 19, 2017 Who's a good boy? Officer Gus is a good boy.
Nationwide to give fans inside look at Dale Earnhardt Jr.
NASCAR fans will get an inside look into Dale Earnhardt Jr .'s return to racing beginning next Tuesday thanks to a six-part series provided by Nationwide Insurance. Nationwide is the official primary sponsor of the No. 88 Hendrick Motorsports Chevrolet driven by Earnhardt in the Monster Energy NASCAR Cup Series . "Unfinished Business" documents the offseason preparation and work behind Earnhardt's return to competition following last year's injury-shortened season. NASCAR's most popular driver missed the final 18 races of the year after suffering a concussion. The series is scheduled to go live on the Nationwide 88 Facebook page each Tuesday between Jan. 24 and this year's Feb. 26th running of the Daytona 500 . Two episodes will air the week leading into the season-opening race. A preview (trailer) of the series was posted to the Nationwide 88 Facebook page Thursday just before 6 p.m. ET. "Based on everything that happened last year, we wanted to really capitalize on Dale getting back in the car and all the excitement and interest, just the fans' general hunger for as much Dale Jr. content as we could provide," Jim McCoy, director of sports marketing for Nationwide, told NASCAR.com. "Going into the offseason as we did our production shoot for 2017 as we normally do, we wanted to add on a new layer ... a behind-the-scenes unique look around Dale. The offseason processes around production shoots, around designing the car, all the things that go into getting ready for Daytona. And having a real personal view from Dale conveying that." Each segment of the six-part series is short, informative and entertaining. For 2016, Nationwide produced a successful paint scheme unveil for Earnhardt's No. 88 entry. But following his injury officials wanted to go a little deeper this year. Portions of the series include Earnhardt's wife, Amy, car owner Rick Hendrick and crew chief Greg Ives. "Just the people that are really close to everything ... that fans don't normally get," McCoy said. Earnhardt's prior medical condition didn't hinder the process, but sensitivities surrounding the issue were addressed with the Hendrick organization. McCoy said it is "a very small part of this six-episode series." "This is truly more about getting ready for Daytona; we absolutely touch on the subject of him being out of the car because you have to," he said. "But I would say the majority of it is around what goes into the offseason preparation, why he is even more excited for this year and all that." Among the information provided to fans will be why there may be a different look to this year's No. 88 Nationwide paint scheme. Earnhardt has always been actively involved in determining the appearance of his race cars and coming up with the look for this year's car was no different. "There was a unique little nugget that came out that we'd not heard on him growing up around his grandfather and his dad racing based on the car coming back from the race track," McCoy said. "The lighter cars you could always tell how the race went based on where the tire marks were, the dirt and everything else. On a white car you always had a better sense of that and we've really transitioned to a lighter paint scheme this year with more white mixed into it. "He pulls in some of those personal stories that we hadn't heard and I think the fans will get a really big kick out of learning a little bit more about why he likes lighter paint schemes." Earnhardt has 26 career wins in NASCAR's top series, and his final three -- at Talladega, Daytona and Phoenix in 2015 -- came with Nationwide on the car in a primary role. The company, which previously was the title sponsor for what is now the XFINITY Series, has been affiliated with Earnhardt and his family for many years. McCoy said the series sponsorship, which ran from 2008-14, was crucial in helping to prepare Nationwide for its relationship with Earnhardt. "We learned a lot and we would not have been ready and in position to be able to take over as majority primary (sponsor) of the No. 1 driver in the sport, for the fans' demands and what they would want out of a sponsor," he said. "I think the Nationwide Series allowed us to really learn and do a lot of great things. "But we've taken the program to new levels and heights in partnership with Dale. He's our best customer and we can authentically connect with him and our products and services because it's real. It's been real since he was 16 years old. As we're trying to expand the message of who Nationwide is and what we do, the many sides of our company." &amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;/p&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;gt;
Dream on: Steven Tyler performs at Kurt Busch's wedding celebration
RELATED: Kurt Busch marries fiancee Ashley Van Metre With the season-opening festivities at Daytona International Speedway right around the corner, drivers are taking the last few weeks of the offseason to make sure they're livin' on the edge, not wanting to miss one thing on their downtime bucket list before they get back in the saddle again. Okay, now that we've got all of the cleverly-placed Aerosmith references out of the (walk this) way, here's a photo of singer Steven Tyler performing at Kurt and Ashley Busch's recent wedding celebration after the pair wed overseas earlier this month. It's worth noting that Steven Tyler is a significant upgrade over Busch's initial entertainment consideration. MORE: Busch wants Ed Sheeran to sing at wedding Big thanks to @IamStevenT for his legendary show @ our wedding celebration! @MrsAshleyBusch & I had an epic time! More pics to come. pic.twitter.com/sbFGDbY0an — Kurt Busch (@KurtBusch) January 17, 2017 @IamStevenT your performance was truly amazing,you made us feel so special. @KurtBusch &I are so blessed&thankful PhotoCred: @briandorseystds https://t.co/YmM8rhMyBT — Ashley Busch (@MrsAshleyBusch) January 17, 2017 Talk about sweet emotion. (Sorry, had to sneak one last one in).
@nascarcasm: Vintage tweets from drivers, Vol. 2
RELATED: Vintage tweets from drivers, Vol. 1 VINTAGE TWEETS, VOLUME TWO! So many NASCAR drivers have mastered the fine art of social media. But it didn’t happen overnight, as is evidenced by some of their very early, and often awesome, initial tweets. What follows are actual posts from actual drivers, as they first immersed themselves into the Twitters. Kyle Busch It’s pretty easy, Kyle. You post something, and then we inform you if you used the proper instance of “your” or “you’re.” Hello... Hello... Hello? How does this thing work? — Kyle Busch (@KyleBusch) February 6, 2010 Trust Ryan -- all tweets are from Kyle. Unless they’re from Ryan. But this one is from Kyle. Or Ryan. -- Ryan @mbkk9 I will always end my tweets with my name, everything else is from Kyle himself! Trust me it really is Kyle. - Ryan — Kyle Busch (@KyleBusch) February 6, 2010 Assuming the PR person didn’t sign the tweet. If not, Kyle’s in trouble and you know he’s in trouble -- like, third-person trouble. Kyle is in trouble. — Kyle Busch (@KyleBusch) February 14, 2010 I think she digs you, man. Happy valentines day to all but especially to mine... Samantha! — Kyle Busch (@KyleBusch) February 14, 2010 Kyle sounds like even Kyle’s getting bored with winning. Kyle wins — Kyle Busch (@KyleBusch) May 2, 2010 Denny Hamlin WHY did everyone want to sync Twitter with Facebook early on? It’s like mailing someone a letter, then calling them on the phone and telling them the exact same s--t that was in the letter. Trying to get Twitter to sync with Facebook... Not working — Denny Hamlin (@dennyhamlin) September 18, 2009 We didn’t. It must have been very cold out. have you seen the extenze car?? thing looks sweet! — Denny Hamlin (@dennyhamlin) October 2, 2009 If only there was some giant pylon-esque structure on the premises that provided such information. But you may have been unable to see it due to metal in your eye so we’ll give you a pass on this one. just qualified.. not sure where we will end up.. my guess is around 19th or so. — Denny Hamlin (@dennyhamlin) October 2, 2009 Had we known then what we know now, we would have been able to warn you that it was likely Tony Stewart in drag. Ok I thought getting a deep tissue massage from a girl would be just what I needed. NOT the case when she looks like she could play line ... — Denny Hamlin (@dennyhamlin) October 5, 2009 I specifically wrote "FOR DEN-DEN’S EYES ONLY" on the outside of the envelope, bro. If mom saw it, that’s your fault for leaving it out. yea so dont be sending dirty pics in the mail.. mom might see it!! haha — Denny Hamlin (@dennyhamlin) January 27, 2010 Will do. Wait -- why are they showing college football? Yall check out speed channel — Denny Hamlin (@dennyhamlin) February 10, 2010 Matt Kenseth Matt Kenseth showed great willpower by waiting until his second tweet ever to throw shade at the Chicago Bears. Boy are these games getting realistic! http://t.co/3FtqeBg — Matt Kenseth (@mattkenseth) July 29, 2011 Um, hi. Wait -- so your order of priority is 1.) Trash talk the Chicago Bears. 2.) Greet people. OK. Hi everyone. — Matt Kenseth (@mattkenseth) July 30, 2011 It’s true. Greg has the body of a 69-year-old. his arthritis is getting bad“ @goofyfordfan : @matt_kenseth17 your tweets are great today any chance of getting @gbiffle on here more???” — Matt Kenseth (@mattkenseth) August 6, 2011 You are a sorcerer of dry wit, Matt Kenseth . A SORCERER. Who is he? I will ask him.."@Rednecktailgate: @matt_kenseth17 can I get a hello from my fav driver?" — Matt Kenseth (@mattkenseth) August 13, 2011 We sense a theme. @JimmieJohnson I just turned on game, saw the bears were getting killed, thought it was a rerun.... — Matt Kenseth (@mattkenseth) August 23, 2011 Martin Truex Jr. He’s friends with the dude from U2 AND people on the No. 1 team. Is there any boundary to this guy’s popularity? And congrats to bono and my friends on the #1 team. — Martin Truex Jr. (@MartinTruex_Jr) February 15, 2010 The technological capabilities of smartphones would continue to grow and make asking a live saltwater fish for directions an obsolete practice. Ok got bad info from tuna. Damn tuna! Ok I need an in and out — Martin Truex Jr. (@MartinTruex_Jr) February 17, 2010 Heading to MWR for a David Reutimann victory celebration. This is an old tweet, by the way. Heading to mwr for davids win party — Martin Truex Jr. (@MartinTruex_Jr) July 20, 2010 You can basically use this tweet as a template for every post-race tweet Martin posted until the 2016 Coca Cola 600. That was ugly. Well get em tomorrow — Martin Truex Jr. (@MartinTruex_Jr) March 3, 2012 Proof: That was tough. We were real fast on short runs and really bad on long runs. Then got caught by the caution. Well fix it..Tomorrow #dayoff — Martin Truex Jr. (@MartinTruex_Jr) April 29, 2012
@nascarcasm: Yelp reviews of Joey Logano's 'mustache'
RELATED: Top NASCAR mustaches Team Penske driver Joey Logano has certainly enjoyed his offseason -- so much that he decided to let it all loose and let the facial hair flow. Fun times in Nashville to kick off the new year. @WheelsUp back home to get back to work! pic.twitter.com/1mjeLQt2DO — Joey Logano (@joeylogano) January 3, 2017 Turns out, not everyone was thrilled with Logano's upper lip addition. Before its apparent demise , plenty of opinions were expressed on popular review site Yelp. RIP Loganostache (2016-17).
Ric Flair deadlifts 405 pounds, continues to be the man
Around this time of year, people who decide to go back to the gym in January to get a jump start on their New Year's resolutions tend to irk those who remember that their fitness centers exist the other 11 months of the year. You've likely seen a Facebook status or two bemoaning these "resolutioners." Well, WWE legend and 67-year-old Ric Flair is here to tell you that actions speak louder than words. I.Will.Never.Retire. #17 pic.twitter.com/oZxu1ue5XB — Ric Flair® (@RicFlairNatrBoy) January 4, 2017 That's 405 POUNDS. Flair, who showed up last season on the helmet of John Hunter Nemechek at Daytona -- well before Nemechek decided to go full Flair at Canadian Tire Motorsport Park -- then tweeted out one of his signature catch phrases. . @SBNation To be the man, you gotta beat the man- WOOOOO! — Ric Flair® (@RicFlairNatrBoy) January 4, 2017 He may owe some royalties to certain former driver of the No. 24 Chevrolet for stealing his catch phrase in that first tweet, however. WOOOOO!
@nascarcasm: Keelan Harvick valiantly battles gravity, loses
Don’t let Jimmie Johnson ’s Instagram fool you -- skiing is very difficult to do, and even more difficult to learn, as evidenced by Kevin Harvick ’s tweet that shows son Keelan going ass-over-teakettle after a very promising start. One of Keelan's wipeouts!! pic.twitter.com/i51gCWEw73 — Kevin Harvick (@KevinHarvick) January 5, 2017 Keelan took it like a champ. Didn’t complain. Didn’t claim "A cat ran right out in front of me." None of that. He likely dusted himself off, climbed back up the hill and tried it again. We have safety workers that can’t walk on a 5-degree-banked track without eating asphalt, so huzzah, Keelan. This did not, however, keep us from adding NASCAR play-by-play to the video. Sorry.
@nascarcasm: Vintage tweets from drivers, Vol. 1
So many NASCAR drivers have mastered the fine art of social media. But it didn't happen overnight, as is evidenced by some of their very early, and often awesome, initial tweets. What follows are actual posts from actual drivers, as they first immersed themselves into the Twitters. We'll do several installments over the course of 2017. Jimmie Johnson Collecting wives like Sprint Cup trophies. #Se7enSpouses (He later corrected the typo) Seven years ago today I married the most amazing women. #luckyman — Jimmie Johnson (@JimmieJohnson) December 11, 2011 Lots of questions here. For the sake of brevity, we’ll only ask one, which is: Why does Chad Knaus looks like Bond Girl? Guys rock @Angie_Harmon ! pic.twitter.com/lJFwNZAc — Jimmie Johnson (@JimmieJohnson) November 23, 2011 June 11, 2011 -- the day you learned that Jimmie Johnson wasn’t actually vanilla. Why does morning wood get all of the attention? It must be because he is the first up everyday. Afternoon wood must feel slighted... — Jimmie Johnson (@JimmieJohnson) June 11, 2011 Dale Earnhardt Jr . I KNEW IT. And here I thought he just always used words like “Excogitate” and “Verisimilitude” in post-race press conferences. I don't know about y'all but I think @mattkenseth cheats......... At @WordsWFriends #CantBeatHim — Dale Earnhardt Jr . (@DaleJr) March 10, 2014 His first #TBT, before he basically owned the hashtag title and deed. Ok, just learning about #tbt Here's my first. The ol man at some local short track, mid 70s, handful of wheel. pic.twitter.com/DKu3FkfkaP — Dale Earnhardt Jr . (@DaleJr) February 27, 2014 Hmmmm. Two years ago. Wonder if this’ll ever become, y’know, a thing. I wonder if anyone will come talk to me @espn ? #watercoolertalk #2XDaytona500Champ pic.twitter.com/KH8pPt5ix6 — Dale Earnhardt Jr . (@DaleJr) February 25, 2014 Landon Cassill It’s OK fam we still love you and your pasty white thighs. I've been wearing shorts a lot this summer, and my legs are still incredibly white. Jeez... — landon cassill (@landoncassill) June 25, 2009 171, nice. it feels good to know you guys read my twitter. i'm so thankful for 171 followers — landon cassill (@landoncassill) May 15, 2009 Not sure, but you’re probably Snapchatting it. really, what IS happening to me? — landon cassill (@landoncassill) May 2, 2009 OK someone check on lonely Landon. i miss you — landon cassill (@landoncassill) April 20, 2009 Kevin Harvick Early on, Harvick posted a tweet of a bull rampaging through a crowd, with the text “What I’m doing to the English language for the next 11 weeks.” not to all cow chip throwers buy a frisbe. — Kevin Harvick (@KevinHarvick) September 5, 2009 These are difficult, if the track workers at Michigan International Speedway are any indication. this rain is putting a damper on the ground hog hunt for tomorrow but it will happen soon. — Kevin Harvick (@KevinHarvick) August 9, 2009 Calling out DeLana’s snoring in one of his first tweets. Strong. i have so many things on my mind i cant sleep.HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!couldnt listen to d snore so i came to write all my thoughts down. — Kevin Harvick (@KevinHarvick) July 29, 2009 And then doubling down on details. Our best guess is dear DeLana didn’t follow him at this point. Because Kevin is still alive. not like a man snore its more like a well you know weak ass snore that you all say you dont have that sure sounds like a mini snore. — Kevin Harvick (@KevinHarvick) July 29, 2009 Brad Keselowski 13 hours? Yeah, this was well before the kid. After 13 hours of sleep, today was pretty productive. Had a great 5 lap practice in the Cup car. — Brad Keselowski (@keselowski) February 6, 2010 I’ll take “Tweets Not Favorited By Kyle Busch for $1,000, Alex.” Admiring the grass in the Daytona infield. That stuff is nice. — Brad Keselowski (@keselowski) July 2, 2010 When you want details and don’t want details at the same time. 3min on shake weight all I got. Whew Can't beat @mw55 — Brad Keselowski (@keselowski) December 26, 2010 Joey Logano Technology is rough. Hey Facebook fans... we're having trouble linking Joey's new Twitter account and the Facebook page. Can you guys... http://fb.me/NFuKsC35 — Joey Logano (@joeylogano) January 12, 2011 Not that this isn’t riveting content Joey but could you please step it up a bit? Like you, we’re having trouble keeping our eyes open. Just got back home my kitchen table just came in so ill be putting that together tonight — Joey Logano (@joeylogano) January 22, 2011 OK, nevermind. Napping now. Just got back to the airport headed home — Joey Logano (@joeylogano) February 2, 2011
NASCAR mad libs: 2017 preseason edition
I’m so excited for the 2017 NASCAR season! The off-season makes me so -- grumpy frustrated bored anxious . I’ve had to spend every single day -- tweeting Denny Hamlin the number of days until Daytona whittling Derrike Cope action figures watching old NASCAR races on YouTube writing Greg Biffle fan fiction while I -- wrap my street car to match Jimmie Johnson ’s car stock my refrigerator with Monster Energy sob uncontrollably sing holiday songs in Larry McReynolds’ accent . Bring back the -- restarts Big One two-hour pre-race shows uncontrolled tires and -- race cars Kyle Busch Cautions™ Throwback weekend paint schemes spilling tacos on race cars ! -- Monster Energy Erik Jones Gray Gaulding Ty Dillon has joined the Cup Series, which makes me feel -- excited old nervous thirsty . Things sure are changing, especially since you never see -- shirtless fans with a ‘3’ shaved into their back hair the Labonte brothers Johnny Sauter singing patriotic tunes Sterling Marlin anymore. I haven’t seen -- a fuel mileage race Greg Biffle a start and park car people trying to start ‘the wave’ in the grandstands for as long as I can remember. I’m definitely planning to go to -- all 36 races the Fanatics tent the infield at Talladega the local Applebee’s every single weekend next season. Maybe I’ll pick up -- a foam finger for the David Ragan fan in my life Tony Stewart ’s race-used fire suit from Watkins Glen an authentic Austin Dillon cowboy hat seven of my favorite drivers' t-shirts for every day of the week , and -- a family pack of Martinsville hot dogs an Air Titan a charter a Ryan Blaney tattoo for my -- fun uncle dear mother Sharona neighbor’s dog . It seems like everybody at the track these days is such a -- Dale Jr. fan proud American vegan like Landon Cassill millennial ! You’re not -- a true NASCAR fan welcome in Junior Nation living having a good time unless you -- own a Kyle Larson bobblehead have a Denny Hamlin neck tattoo know Dale Jr.’s average finish in 2004 ask Mike Helton if you can touch his mustache . Most of all, I can’t wait for the -- Chase return of Joey Gase 2017 Dale of the Month calendar Clash at Daytona . I hope this year’s champion is -- Jimmie Johnson not Jimmie Johnson Dale Earnhardt Jr . the fans — especially after last year, when -- Dale Jr. missed a bunch of races Jimmie Johnson tied Earnhardt and Petty Danica Patrick signed my fig bar that I later ate Brian Scott tearfully said goodbye and my heart hurts . I suppose I have no choice but to spend the rest of the off-season the same way I spend it every year, -- complaining about everything imaginable on Facebook working on my steamy Joey Logano fan fiction brainwashing my niece and nephew into rooting for my favorite driver bump-drafting on the highway calling into radio shows complaining about that driver I hate flaring the fenders on my minivan watching pay-per-view wrestling between Spencer Gallagher and John Wes Townley creating my own car graveyard, just like Dale Jr. trying to acclimate myself to banana-and-mayonnaise sandwiches coming up with a new nickname for Kevin Harvick researching scientific journals on evidence of The Vortex Theory trying to re-create the secret Martinsville hot dog recipe going four-wide on the interstate .